Manners make the Man

Say Please and Thank you

Good manners will open more doors than even the best pick-up lines.

Let that sink in for a second...

Girls tend to categorize the guys they meet.  Most typical guys are thrown into a pile with all the other men that appear similar to that given girl.  The whole point is to avoid that category.  You want to be placed in a group above what is considered "typical".  

This all starts with the way you act in a social environment.  There's no need for crass humor or back-handed compliments.  Just simply remember to say please, and thank you.  The best way you can present yourself to a girl or anyone for that matter is through your manners.

When it comes to a girl youre interested in, a girl you're dating or your girlfriend you can show your status as a gentleman through a bunch of very simple and easy things.

Here's just a few...

Open the door for her!  This can be your car door, or the door to your home when she comes over to meet your parents.  

Introduce her to your friends!  Your friends care about you and want to meet the girl who's making you happy.  Include her in conversation and let her know she's welcome among your group.  

Shower her with compliments!  No girl doesn't like to be told she looks beautiful.  Use your words and let her know how special she is.  Don't spill your heart out all at once!  Baby steps is the key.

Pay the bill!  If she's the right type of girl, she'll offer to pay.  She's working, independent, and has her own money, even so, pay the bill.  Some methods of being old fashion are still useful today.  You ask her out, you pay the bill.  It's as easy as that.

It's the little things that matter!  Small acts of kindness add up into a much larger picture.  Leave a note on her car, make her dinner, send her that text before bed and in the morning, when you invite her over for a movie make a fort in the living room to watch it in!  The small things that make her smile will come back around!

A gentleman never rushes his girl.  Go at her pace.  You want your girl to feel comfortable around you.  This takes time and trust.  When she's ready to take the next step, it's your job to take it with her.

"Reality attracts the eye, but personality captures the heart."

Remember to say please and thank you!  Show your status as a gentleman but acting, speaking, and dressing like one.  Manners make the man!

Confidence is key

A Question of Character

Ever find yourself backed into a corner with nowhere to go?  You get this horrible feeling in your stomach and it radiates throughout your entire body.  You can't think or speak and somehow you think everything is all your fault.  This is what happens when you let people get the best of you.  

I've always been conscious about the views of other people.  I like to be respected, admired, and well regarded.  I treat others how I'd like to be treated.  But I've always had a hard time not caring about what EVERYONE thought.  Growing up I would try to make sure everyone liked me.  I would always try to find the solution to a problem someone might have had with me, or with something I did.  There are a few important people in my life who's views about myself I should be a concerned with.  Those people are my family, my close friends and the woman I love.  I want to be seen as a good person in their eyes because it gives me pride.  

The pride that those important few instill in me fades away when I let other people get in my head. You hear rumors about yourself being spread.  Someone thinks they know all about you before they've even meet you.  In the end, because of what they've heard, those people don't WANT to get to know you because they think they already do. 

No matter how much good I did or how many people I helped and supported, there were still people who would talk shit behind my back.  I struggled all through high school and partially in college by worrying about what other people thought of me because I forgot something.  I forgot how much weight those important few held.  I let everyone elses' words, views, and opinions of me outweigh what was really important.

In my time in Alpha Epsilon Pi I made a lot of friends.  I earned a a few different reputations (depends who you ask).  But I quickly saw that even the members of my brotherhood talked behind my back.  Rather than confronting me, they chose to act like high school kids.  You can imagine how this made me feel.  We were all equal in our house.  Each brother went through the same process to get where he is in the fraternity.  So why was I the one picked for this?  During my senior year I held the position of Public Relations Chair,  My job was to provide the brotherhood with social opportunities and to increase our status on campus.  I was good at it!  I made sacrifices, and I spent my own time and money on what I thought was best for the house.  I cared about my brothers very much.  I know I did my job well, and I know several brothers benefited from my work.  So why then did the rumors and trash-talking behind my back continue? 

What I learned is simple, you can't please everyone.  I'm always going to come in contact with people who don't like me, and that's okay.  That's not going to change the way I view myself and It's not going to lower my moral.  It's very easy for someone who can't do something to bully those who can. This is due to jealousy, resentment, or any other excuse people have for being mean.  I will never become one of them.  

The best way to deal with those people is to kill them with your kindness.  You're not going to change them, so don't try.  Just go about your day being the best person you know how to be, that's called confidence.  This is not to be mistaken for being cocky.  Being cocky is walking into a room and feeling like you have to prove something, being confident is walking in and knowing you don't have to.  You don't owe those nay-sayers anything!  The only person you should ever try to prove something to is yourself!

Only you can judge your character! 

Be confident, be strong, and don't let what other's say change the way you view yourself!  

Nice Guys don't Finish Last

A Nice Guy's Introduction

Hey everyone, my name is Spencer.  I'm a graduate of California State University Northridge with a BA in Communication Studies.  Basically, I have an ability to analyze behaviors and people pretty well.  While at CSUN I was a brother in the fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi.  I grew up surfing and playing soccer in Redondo Beach, CA and now I reside in Northridge, CA.  Trading the beach for the valley has been tough but I've been able to manage.  

The purpose of this blog is to share my own stories, experiences and opinions on the dating world and what it takes to be a Gentleman.  I have made many mistakes.  But I learned from them, and in return, I've figured out that the infamouse saying, "Nice guys finish last", is completely false. 

I'll offer tips and tricks on speech, style, confidence, humor, leadership, relationship skills and character.  I in no way know it all.  I'm always open to questions, comments, and additions to anything I write.  My purpose is to inform, entertain and educate.