Keeping The Faith

Believe In Something

I hope everyone is having a pleasant holiday season.  With the new year approaching I'm sure some of you have your new year's resolutions all picked out.  With the passing celebrations of both Hanukkah and Christmas, I got to thinking about what it all meant.  These are both holidays in two varying religions where we celebrate both triumph and creation.  

I am Jewish.  Being Jewish defines who I am as a person, and how I was raised.  Nothing makes me more proud.  I know millions of people feel this way towards their chosen religion and I want to offer insight to an even bigger picture.  

Believing in something, a G-D, an idea, a calling, defines who you are.  I strongly believe every religion teaches you how not to be an ass hole.  This is through the power of stories, morals, and traditions.  We often look toward a religion for answers as to how to be a better person.  I'm not saying you have to identify with a specific religion to be a good person, but belonging to a group of people is one more thing you and your girlfriend/wife can have in common.  

When you are with someone, you want to be on the same page, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Being able to share those kinds of experiences with each other mean more than you may assume.  I find that being spiritually on the same page as your partner is a very overrated concept.  That is why it is so important.  

Celebrating the same holidays, attending the same gatherings, and having those same morals in common make your times together that much more meaningful.  They also are a link to understanding each other.  Having the same morals, ideas, concepts and beliefs in common with the person you love are essential.  When the time comes down the road, these are the things you will want your kids to learn.  You will want them to grow up knowing why you are the way you are.  

Keeping the faith is about an idea, it's a hunch that there is something greater out there holding all of us together.  I believe it can be an essential way to bring two people together.  It's undervalued, and underrated but has more power than you can imagine.  With this new year approaching I hope you will take these words into consideration and add a few new tools to your game plan when it comes to finding that special someone. 

"Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world, No hope so bright but is the beginning of its own fulfillment."

-R.W.E.-

Keep Calm and Shrink Your Ego

Getting Angry Solves Nothing

I'm sure you've all been around that one guy who always likes to pick fights with everyone that looks at him wrong.  He's big, dumb, and usually has a low center of gravity.  There's a reason why he picks fights to prove something, it's because that's all he's got.  I know I've mentioned the curse of the alpha-male before and I'll say it again, you don't want to be a carrier of this disease. 

If you want to keep healthy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones you have to keep your cool.  When we go on the attack either verbally or physically it's because we sense we are being attacked first.  This is a defense mechanism that each member of the male species is equipped with.  Just for a few minutes while you read this, forget about that side of you.  

There is never a good time to get angry.  Never a good time to lash out at someone.  This exposes the boy inside that should have been left behind when you grew up.  This is your ego.  Keep it small, and buried deep within your mind.  Put it in the back of your head and forget about it.  Fighting someone or getting into a verbal argument solves nothing.  It only proves that you are not a man, you're just a little punk.  Yea sure for a few minutes you're going to feel really good because you hit that guy in the face or because you finally told that person off.  But once that brief high goes away, you're still left being the jerk.

Our ego likes to take advantage of our emotions.  When you get caught up on something a girl said, or pissed off because of a rumor going around, just let it go.  NOTHING is worth giving your ego the advantage and getting all upset.  A gentleman knows which battles to fight and which ones just aren't worth it.  A gentleman knows that using your words and choosing your tone and volume carefully, is the best way to solve any dispute.  Always speak respectfully even if you are not being treated the same.  It shows you're a better person. 

We feed our ego when we get into the habit of picking to many fights.  The majority of the drama you come in contact with is so small it can fit in one ear and go out the other.  That's how it should always be.  Who cares what other people say or think.  You are not that guy who goes around trying to prove he's always right.  You are not that guy who goes around looking for drama.  

As I stated before, the alpha males in this world along with all the other typical ass holes are put into a category the minute they show their true colors.  To any girl, a gentleman is immediately placed on a pedestal.  We are not that former self which throws a tantrum every time things go wrong.  Keep your ego in check and act above the rest.

"There is nothing noble about being superior to your fellow man.  True nobility is being superior to your former self."

-Ernest Hemingway

Be more than a pretty face

What Can You Offer Her?

What kind of a woman attracts me?  I like a girl who works hard.  Someone who values time with others and is confident around a crowd.  She has to be classy and she has to have a sense of drive.  She's gotta have goals and aspirations.  Her vision of the future is an important asset if I'm trying to be part of it.  She has to be a NICE girl.  No antics, games, or burn books in her library.  These are just some of the things I ask for.

Now switch roles!

What's she looking for in you?

No girl wants to be with a dead beat.  Everything you want in your woman, she also wants in you.  Gentlemen, success attracts.  You may be handsome but for girls, even your looks will get old.  The right women will want more.

So what can you offer her?

Gentlemen, women use a few key things to separate you from the boys.  Have a job!  You cannot spend every hour playing XBOX!  That's great fun but no girl is going to want to spend every night playing Call of Duty with you.  That's not a relationship.  A job shows drive, aspirations and responsibility.  Have your own form of employment and income.  Don't be a couch potato, have a job.  

Learn to cook!  Not every meal you two share should be at a restaurant where you pay a huge bill.  Spend some, nights in.  Cook her dinner and spend quality time making her something she likes.  This shows that you care about pleasing her and it also shows your nurturing side.  Cooking for your girl shows you too can be a provider.  Plus, it's a rarity, not many guys can actually cook!  Be the exception.  

If you're in school make sure you're getting good grades.  Intelligence is sexy.  You want to be able to engage in intelligent conversation with your girl.  Make sure you have your academic career in order.  Smart is the best kind of sexy to any girl!  

Most importantly, be yourself.  Don't have a side for her, a side for your friends, and a side for your parents.  Be the same person with everyone you meet.  Be kind, generous, and treat everyone with respect.  If you act like an ass hole or a tough guy to others, how long before you start acting that way towards her?

The right kind of girl is going to be one for the long haul.  If you wish to be that guy to her, be more than just a face for her to look at.  Be a person she can engage with.

"A real gentleman will not persuade you with his words, he will reassure you with his actions."

Be the man she's looking for, and she'll be the woman you've never been able to find.

Manners make the Man

Say Please and Thank you

Good manners will open more doors than even the best pick-up lines.

Let that sink in for a second...

Girls tend to categorize the guys they meet.  Most typical guys are thrown into a pile with all the other men that appear similar to that given girl.  The whole point is to avoid that category.  You want to be placed in a group above what is considered "typical".  

This all starts with the way you act in a social environment.  There's no need for crass humor or back-handed compliments.  Just simply remember to say please, and thank you.  The best way you can present yourself to a girl or anyone for that matter is through your manners.

When it comes to a girl youre interested in, a girl you're dating or your girlfriend you can show your status as a gentleman through a bunch of very simple and easy things.

Here's just a few...

Open the door for her!  This can be your car door, or the door to your home when she comes over to meet your parents.  

Introduce her to your friends!  Your friends care about you and want to meet the girl who's making you happy.  Include her in conversation and let her know she's welcome among your group.  

Shower her with compliments!  No girl doesn't like to be told she looks beautiful.  Use your words and let her know how special she is.  Don't spill your heart out all at once!  Baby steps is the key.

Pay the bill!  If she's the right type of girl, she'll offer to pay.  She's working, independent, and has her own money, even so, pay the bill.  Some methods of being old fashion are still useful today.  You ask her out, you pay the bill.  It's as easy as that.

It's the little things that matter!  Small acts of kindness add up into a much larger picture.  Leave a note on her car, make her dinner, send her that text before bed and in the morning, when you invite her over for a movie make a fort in the living room to watch it in!  The small things that make her smile will come back around!

A gentleman never rushes his girl.  Go at her pace.  You want your girl to feel comfortable around you.  This takes time and trust.  When she's ready to take the next step, it's your job to take it with her.

"Reality attracts the eye, but personality captures the heart."

Remember to say please and thank you!  Show your status as a gentleman but acting, speaking, and dressing like one.  Manners make the man!

Confidence is key

A Question of Character

Ever find yourself backed into a corner with nowhere to go?  You get this horrible feeling in your stomach and it radiates throughout your entire body.  You can't think or speak and somehow you think everything is all your fault.  This is what happens when you let people get the best of you.  

I've always been conscious about the views of other people.  I like to be respected, admired, and well regarded.  I treat others how I'd like to be treated.  But I've always had a hard time not caring about what EVERYONE thought.  Growing up I would try to make sure everyone liked me.  I would always try to find the solution to a problem someone might have had with me, or with something I did.  There are a few important people in my life who's views about myself I should be a concerned with.  Those people are my family, my close friends and the woman I love.  I want to be seen as a good person in their eyes because it gives me pride.  

The pride that those important few instill in me fades away when I let other people get in my head. You hear rumors about yourself being spread.  Someone thinks they know all about you before they've even meet you.  In the end, because of what they've heard, those people don't WANT to get to know you because they think they already do. 

No matter how much good I did or how many people I helped and supported, there were still people who would talk shit behind my back.  I struggled all through high school and partially in college by worrying about what other people thought of me because I forgot something.  I forgot how much weight those important few held.  I let everyone elses' words, views, and opinions of me outweigh what was really important.

In my time in Alpha Epsilon Pi I made a lot of friends.  I earned a a few different reputations (depends who you ask).  But I quickly saw that even the members of my brotherhood talked behind my back.  Rather than confronting me, they chose to act like high school kids.  You can imagine how this made me feel.  We were all equal in our house.  Each brother went through the same process to get where he is in the fraternity.  So why was I the one picked for this?  During my senior year I held the position of Public Relations Chair,  My job was to provide the brotherhood with social opportunities and to increase our status on campus.  I was good at it!  I made sacrifices, and I spent my own time and money on what I thought was best for the house.  I cared about my brothers very much.  I know I did my job well, and I know several brothers benefited from my work.  So why then did the rumors and trash-talking behind my back continue? 

What I learned is simple, you can't please everyone.  I'm always going to come in contact with people who don't like me, and that's okay.  That's not going to change the way I view myself and It's not going to lower my moral.  It's very easy for someone who can't do something to bully those who can. This is due to jealousy, resentment, or any other excuse people have for being mean.  I will never become one of them.  

The best way to deal with those people is to kill them with your kindness.  You're not going to change them, so don't try.  Just go about your day being the best person you know how to be, that's called confidence.  This is not to be mistaken for being cocky.  Being cocky is walking into a room and feeling like you have to prove something, being confident is walking in and knowing you don't have to.  You don't owe those nay-sayers anything!  The only person you should ever try to prove something to is yourself!

Only you can judge your character! 

Be confident, be strong, and don't let what other's say change the way you view yourself!  

Nice Guys don't Finish Last

A Nice Guy's Introduction

Hey everyone, my name is Spencer.  I'm a graduate of California State University Northridge with a BA in Communication Studies.  Basically, I have an ability to analyze behaviors and people pretty well.  While at CSUN I was a brother in the fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi.  I grew up surfing and playing soccer in Redondo Beach, CA and now I reside in Northridge, CA.  Trading the beach for the valley has been tough but I've been able to manage.  

The purpose of this blog is to share my own stories, experiences and opinions on the dating world and what it takes to be a Gentleman.  I have made many mistakes.  But I learned from them, and in return, I've figured out that the infamouse saying, "Nice guys finish last", is completely false. 

I'll offer tips and tricks on speech, style, confidence, humor, leadership, relationship skills and character.  I in no way know it all.  I'm always open to questions, comments, and additions to anything I write.  My purpose is to inform, entertain and educate.